What is the shadow self?
The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can not see in ourselves. I have been lucky enough to have worked on myself for many years, which is super important as I am working as a spiritual tutor, reader and Spiritual life coach.
Imagine encouraging you guys to work through your shit, when I have not worked through my own.
I facilitate a magical course called the Lotus Chakra course, without going off topic, that is a great foundation to really begin understanding yourself. The shadow side is the self that makes us a whole, it’s the self that we have been told is bad or naughty, its the self we hide, the self we don’t want to admit we have. As a young child through society we have been conditioned not to do the or do that, this results in us burying a side of ourselves. What happens when we burry this side, is either that we attract it from another or it manifests and rots away deep inside causing us physiological problems, problems with our relationships, lack of confidence and more. As children we know of kindness, love, anger, and selfishness, we are told to suppress these darker traits, we are told they are not acceptable and they must be banished if we are to be good and liked.
This is how our shadow side is born. We have done it with our own children, rewarding them for good behaviour and punishing them for getting angry and having a tantrum. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard as a parent, especially when you have other stresses to consider and talking calmly to a screaming child in the middle of Tesco may not work, but like it or not this is how its created. The magic though is now you know you can help not only Yourself but also your loved ones.
There is no point blaming this person or that person either, or blaming that situation or this situation. Shadow work comes from taking personal responsibility and accepting that you are what you are, worts and all, then allowing the healing process to start.
Once we embrace our shadow side or darker side, we can really begin to heal and enjoy a more fulfilling complete life. Understanding and exploring your shadow can lead to such a greater authentic life. You can become more creative, have more energy and your own personnel awakening. Reaching deep within your core, is essential for reaching mature adulthood. To live a life in a complete state of acceptance, which brings inner peace and happiness, we must be a whole. If we burry our darker side, how we can live life as a whole? We can’t, so what happens? We attract people that fill that space or we become irritated with those that portray that part of ourselves we have hidden , that part we are ashamed or embarrassed to accept. When we bury our darker side, we don’t accept our negative traits. We deny our true self. When we deny our true self, we see that in others. This is called projection. We simply see in others our shadow side, if you think about it we would need too to feel a whole and complete we need that side of us some how.
If someone annoys or irritates you, it will probably be something that is within you too that you have yet to own.
This doesn’t mean that the person is not annoying or whatever, it simply means when you have owned your own stuff, you won’t be as bothered by others. Our projections distort reality because we don’t want to be seen as unaccepted or bad. our barrier here acts as a false identity. As we acknowledge that part of our personality, we bring it out of the dark into the light. When doing this, talking about it, embracing the shadow side, no longer feels heavy, in fact the more you openly deal with it, it soon becomes a normal part of you, where you are in control and in acceptance of it. Im not saying, for example if our shadow self was to be a manipulating bitch that we should go around being like that, I’m saying we need to acknowledge that side of ourselves, own it, embrace it then we can work out why we are like that, what is the root cause and learn to live with that side of ourselves and be aware of it.
Your shadow side is the side that maybe only your partner sees, your parents, its behind closed doors. Now more than ever, you only have to look at social media, its no wonder it called fake book, think about what you post and what you hide. Ask yourself why you do this? What don’t you want people to see? Being unaccepted stems from such an early age, it forms most of our life until we reach adult maturity. It is embedded within us to be socially accepted by teachers, bosses and parents or grandparents. I remember my nan saying to me years ago, “don’t tell anyone your living with two men” when I bought my first house with my then partner and had my male best friend lodge with us. I think I went the opposite way and told everyone!
Shadow work is scary stuff!
You are being asked to be 100% honest with yourself and your actions.
Here are some tips to get started
1 – Centre yourself, if you are not entered you will not be able to get the vest results you deserve
Only from your true centre can you be honest, and can you activate the shadow parts that have been blended with your entire energy over the years. Don’t be critical, judgmental or angry, just delve deep in the centre of you. Find a quiet place, a calm place where you feel secure and safe and happy.
2 – Don’t be hard on yourself once emotions start to be acknowledged, that’s what your doing it for, just allow it to surface and hold it in love nurture it. If you feed it with shame, guilt, anger or anything negative you won’t allow it to manifest, you will block it or bury it even further. Connecting to the heart here will help, imagine the words or feelings being softened in a pink cotton wool if it helps
3 – Seeing the shadow requires a self reflective mindset. The ability to reflect, observe our behaviours thoughts and feelings, this can not be done with one sided judgement, stay present and record your feelings or thoughts in a journal
4 – Be honest – this will only work if you are 100% honest – if you hide away from yourself, you need to dig deeper! Lip service is easy but true self honesty and being open to see unattractive qualities is the first step towards healing and putting an end to being annoyed by others so much! The rewards will be so worth going through your dark side. Once you have brought it your awareness, the light starts to shine on it and it no longer becomes a dirty secret or something you want to hide
5 – Don’t give up, if you try and its just too much, try again on another day. Your emotional state may not be ready, planetary aspects may not be great although right now with so many planets retrograde I actually think it’s a great time to start shadow work. You could easily become over whelmed, so try focusing on just one aspect at a time, work through that then go back to your calm centre space and repeat when you are ready.
6 – Enjoy – Although this can be scary and we are opening ourselves up to be super vulnerable here, try not to fear it, think of it as another step towards your personnel awakening, embrace the knowledge that Maybe you have been a manipulative bitch, or a selfish git, know that as you embrace it the light starts to shine on it and your whole self becomes more aligned and true – putting 2 fingers up to anyone who might trigger that past again!
Once you have accepted what your shadow side is you can bring it to the light. You can awakening it and heal. It may be that you don’t like liars, you can not bear injustice, but actually you are lying to yourself on a daily basis without really knowing it. It may be that you have lied in the past and buried it without accepting that you had lied for example.
Are you ready?
When you are ready, think of someone that annoys you, or annoying habits of someone particular. They may be someone like a partner or a family member, or even a boss, or it could be that you are attracted to them, even infatuated or obsessed with them. Choose someone who you have a strong emotional connection with.
Now list those qualities that bug the hell out of you! Try using 3rd person language – she, it, him. It’s important to say it out loud or write it in your journal, anyone that has been to my development classes, knows I love you to keep things recorded in a journal.This is super private so no one else will se it. Its important to fully express yourself truthfully
Now here is the part you will ask the questions, asking them why they are doing this to you, what do they want from you, what are they trying to show you, and what do they have to teach you. As you ask each question, imagine their response, speak it out loud or record it in your journal
Imagine there response to these questions. Speak that imaginary response out loud. Record the conversation in your journal if you like. Take on theses traits, either the annoying ones or the obsessive ones, be the person, this is meant to feel strange and awkward as these are the traits you have been suppressing and hiding or denying from yourself
Try not to judge or interfere with what you get, notice what it is you are hiding or disowning. Once you have shown this dark side to the light, you don’t have to hide that part of you any more. While you won’t change the other person or their character, their actions won’t bother you and you will stop attracting that energy into your life
Shadow side Tarot Spread
What are you hiding
How can you release fears
How can you accept your shadow side
To book this spread email firstname.lastname@example.org